Rebuke but Don’t Criticize

Nothing shuts down communication and disrupts the harmony of a relationship faster than harsh, sniping, negative comments.

Constant criticism destroys a person’s spirit. It breeds hurt, resentment, defensiveness, and even hatred.

Criticism and rebuke are not the same thing. A rebuke differs from criticism in at least two important ways: the spirit from which it comes and the purpose for which it is given. 

Criticism arises from a wounded and self-centered spirit that seeks to wound in return.A rebuke, on the other hand, comes from a loving and compassionate spirit that not only recognizes a problem but also seeks a fair and equitable solution with a heartfelt desire for the good of the other person. In short, a rebuke is motivated by love, whereas criticism is not.

Develop the discipline of thinking before speaking. Whenever a problem arises or a conflict flares up and you feel the urge to criticize, ask yourself if it is a legitimate problem for which rebuke and correction are in order, or only a personal gripe. Check your motivation: Are you acting out of love or out of anger?

Criticism profits nothing, but rebuke and correction do. There are two sides to this coin, however. Being willing and able to give correction is one side; being willing to receive correction is the other. Openness to correction is one of the most important elements of growth. People who are unwilling to receive correction will never grow. They will always be immature.

~ Chapter 3 : Mastering the art of Communication

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